Right then and right there

Dear Blog,

So, I already broke the writer's block. Here is cold hard proof. It's a song I wrote last night like an hour after the blog post. It's called Blazing Orange Savior.

I saw a dead body on the beach
When I was ten years old
My mother told me
That it was just a wax man
My father up and died
when I was twelve years old
I got my first kiss the same day
I remember feeling damned
Now when we kiss
I taste my fathers ashes
Now when we kiss
Our mouths are a cremation
I know this may come
As shocking information
So much that our relations
Will reach a quick cessation

I never put much stock in tongues touching tongues
Because of something that happened when I was very young

I took seven girls to funeral homes
On just as many dates
I got seven looks of sheer disgust
And handprints on my face
And in the parlor all alone
I'd cross myself and cry
Why was I first kissed
On the day my father died
At seventeen I sank a boat
Off the cold New England coast
I languished in the water
And waited for the ghost
A woman threw a lifesaver
From a fairly well sized yacht
That jacket was a blazing savior
I wish I'd never caught

I never thought I'd spend my whole life chained
To an unforgiving tombstone, in the hot August rain



I also wrote a nice poem today too. Once I get it on the computer I'll post it here as well.

Yours,
B Morgz

Look sister, here comes another genuine disaster

Dear Blog,

So, not feeling so great. Haven't been able to write at all. I've got a feelings block up where I can't express myself without babbling stuff. I just tried to slam on my guitar and ad lib. That's how I know it's another one of those phases. I hate it. I can't believe I'm still trying to write songs sometimes. I pity Kyle for having to listen to my ramblings.

This school is sucking my life out. I really hate it here. I don't want to go to chapel no more. I don't want to talk to conservative Christians no more. I don't want to be constantly bombarded by God no more. I don't want to be so far from home no more. I don't want to choke cafeteria shit down my throat no more. I don't want to learn about the Bible no more (I get it).

I'm going to have to rewrite a movie review I did for the school paper. I feel really bad about it. I tried but I had no idea what I was doing and I'm afraid I looked really stupid doing it. But, I was just trying to help. I'm never quite as good as I convince myself I am some days.

I might have a date. I don't know if it's a date. I feel so awkward but maybe happy. Should I be happy? I don't even know what's going on and no one is going to tell me I'm afraid. I'm not blunt enough to ask. I don't even know what I want. It's pretty goddamn retarded if you ask me.

I should go to bed soon.

Yours,
B Morgz

The Mist Kinda Sucked... and I'll Tell You Why

Dear Blog,

I went to see the Mist with my father tonight. It is a movie adaptation of a Stephen King novella I particularly enjoy. It was done by the writer/director of the Shawshank Redemption and the Green Mile. Hell, I thought that at least with him, Frank Darabont, that he couldn't fuck up too bad. Well, I was kind of wrong. The whole thing was pretty decent once you add in everything. I'd give like a 6.5 out of 10 or some shit like that. So, here's the good stuff first. It was mostly very faithful to the book and the stuff it skipped or sped up didn't detract from the story (for the most part, but I'll deal with that in just a second). It was shot very well and all the creatures looked fantastic. The death and gore wasn't overdone and the dialog was pretty good and realistic for the most part. Also, most of the principle actors did great jobs and were cast wonderfully. However, there were some major problems. The main male lead, Thomas Jane, is an action hero person. He played the Punisher. He cannot be nuanced. Here, the character needed to be action-esque but not so bland that he couldn't emote without people laughing. He didn't do a bad job just a mediocre one, especially towards the end. Oh my fucking God, the end of this movie pissed me the hell off. Darabont, up on his high fucking throne felt like he needed to change the perfectly fine open-ended ending that Mr. King put at the end of his fine novella. In the end, Darabont decides to throw in some really depressing, hopeless Twilight Zone shit. Which I usually don't mind but it's not how the real book ends and the ending didn't need to be changed. Just because it's a horror movie doesn't mean it needs to end hopelessly. For God's sake, you had enough balls to stick to the book most of the time, not play up the gore too much, give it some actual psychological tension, and make it actually as long as it needed to be. But, you don't have the balls to end it with the correct ending. If it's the studios fault then fuck the studios. But if it's Darabont's fault then fuck him. So, it pissed me off some but it wasn't terrible. Certainly better than most horror bullshit they put on the screen most of these days. I'm glad a satiated my curiosity but I got myself seriously pissed off in the process.

Yours,
B Morgz

Is Your Friend Alright? I Thought She Was Going To Turn Into The Easter Bunny.

Dear Blog,

I had another good hangout day with my friends. We had some good times and a nice fire. Although, now I smell like smoke. Also went to the Red Lobster to get some classy food for grandma's birthday. My grandparents have the most skillful way of talking about the most boring things as anecdotes. The conversation is almost guaranteed to never ever be interesting if they are around. Just random observations about day to day life in old person land become hilarious quips or stories to them. When, in reality, these thoughts never needed to be verbalized. I'm a little mean, I know it.

I tried to make hot chocolate with custard today and it didn't go over so well. For future reference, no one try this as it is not as delicious as you would think. Custard is meant to stand alone as a holiday drink, nothing more and nothing less.

I'm about to go play some games and watch some TV and then go to sleep. Got to go to bed early to get up and cash a savings bond. My parents are going away for a week at the end of May. I'm pissed because I'll finally have a huge house all to myself and no lady to enjoy it with. It's always been my dream to have a nice house alone with a lady and no one to bother us. Cruel fate has now dangled this dream so close in front of me that it hurts my bones. Who wants to make out with me in my empty parent's house at the end of May? Anyone? Dreams make us this desperate.

Yours,
B Morgz

Brought My Tulips For Your Two Lips

Dear Blog,

Hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving. Mine was super delicious but filled with awkward grandparent conversations. My dad kept making strange jokes. Also, he carries dog mace with him to protect him and dog when he walks her. He likes to talk about this. It is a slight improvement over the purple toy bat he used to carry. I think maybe I ate too much.

I stayed up too late last night watching Wings on DVD. Also, during one episode I just started feeling really great and I smiled. It was a really good episode but I'm not sure what was up. I felt filled with some odd happiness. Like I would be okay on my own and no one could stop my smiling. It was so strange. I've decided to call this moment of pure happiness a Kyle moment, for my jovial BFF. If it occurs again I will refer to it exclusively as such.

So, I'm excited about the Bonnie and the Clydesdales reunion show. It's going to be super great and I haven't gotten to play with the band in such a long time. Also, I'm excited about moving back here and going to college in St. Louis and around my friends. I realized again last night how cool everyone is and how I can be myself around them. That's a good thing, I like being able to be myself and not having to put on airs to impress people. I really want to move back here and start a glorious new education adventure I think. I've been in such a good mood lately. It's really strange, but I don't think Neely O'Hara is dead.

Here's something I've written while I've been home:

Cold Feet

I picked the wrong season
To yell from the rooftops
I had no good reason
Feet just in socks
I stood so frozen
that warmth was an echo
But still so brazen
as to dream of a chateau
Young and still breathing
Out white wispy vapors
I began screaming
And tearing up papers

My chimney's not smoked for seven weeks
And the winter's been here for nine weeks
I think I will cease breathing in two weeks
But I can't stop thinking that you will come back

They were your declarations
Written in loveless
Fake affirmations
You ran off with Douglas
No one heard my wails
That seems just fine
As I hold the cold rails
No one's coming this time
Tears make no dents
In the ice packed snow
Likewise I could never
Dent your ego

Chorus

My mind the propellor
Whirling like dervishes
I'll either get well
Or freeze by the furnaces
The furniture empty
I need you around
Just for the company
Maybe the sound
Not for the cruelty
But I can forgive
I'd swear my fealty
Forget what you did

Chorus x2

How weak am I
Honor's no virtue
of yours or of mine
Can't seem to forget you
Writing out treaties
That we could sign
To hear our hearts beating
Again in march time
Young and still breathing
Out white, wispy vapors
I began screaming
And tearing up papers

Yours,
B Morgz

Caught Up In Some Teen Rebellion

Dear Blog,

The It's Ben's Life blog is actually up now. I just put it up right now. It only has the three brand new episodes but more is coming. Check it out in the links on the side of the page.

Also, I've been meaning to talk about this. Bishop Allen is so fantastic! Their super smart lyrics telling a myriad of stories blend in a heavenly way with all of there simple but driving melodies. These guys have a pop sensibility that knocks me on my ass every time I listen. They are so catchy that I have no clue why they aren't that popular. They could be huge, mark my words. I love the strange topics they tackle. Like JFK's assassination at the same time as the Communist Scare and remorse over abandoning someone in Dallas for ten years until they kill themselves. It's a crazy song ("The Bullet & Big D") and one of my favorites. They're first album, Charm School, is named properly. It bubbles over with pop and catchy melodies with enough lo-fi charm to really sell the sincerity. Their second album and 12 EP's (one for every month) really up the class and sophistication. I'd say that their newer stuff is better overall. But, you really can't go wrong with anything from their catalog. Also, they are a great live act, charming and quite attractive, if I do say so myself. Check 'em out.

Yours,
B Morgz

One Large Coffee, Fuck You, Peace

Dear Blog,

I should maybe post on this more often. I like blogs and they're pretty cool. But, I feel like I have to say a lot when I do post. Maybe I don't. Maybe just a few daily thoughts would be cool. I could really post anything. Writing. Thoughts. Anything. I might start another blog to just post It's Ben's Life episodes. I think I have over fifty. I just wrote three more tonight: Ben and His Emotions, Ben and the Real Papa, Ben and the Nay Saying No No Neighbor. I like all of them. I have become more and more crass and wordy as the episodes have come along. Those three previously mentioned episodes were the first three written on computer. It was a little easier that way, a little faster and cleaner. I was able to get three episodes out pretty quickly. Usually my brain is way ahead of my writing hand when I try to write episodes on a notebook. So, look for that It's Ben's Life blog right after I get all the episodes transferred onto my computer, which should be soon.

My grandparents are here and I'm trying not to let it slip that I'm losing my religion. They would be super pissed if they found out. I personally don't care what they think but the amount of bullshit I would have to wade through is worth them not finding out. For what it's worth, my parents are handling it so well. They are so supportive and I am truly proud of how they raised me. I don't mean to brag honestly. I know lots of people have parent problems. It makes me guilty most of the time. I didn't do anything to deserve my parents.

That's all for now gang. Here's a poem about wine and not so cool young lust, enjoy:

Samples of the finest vintage wines
Flood on down my throat and I'm still thirsty
Stupid alcohol all in my bursting belly
But no one's gonna grab me by the wrist
Why'd we break into your father's wine cabinet anyways
If we were just going to get piss drunk
And not even fool around like I've wanted to for weeks

Yours,
B Morgz

Additionally

I want to play some goddamn Grandia. But, I never have enough time to get the game started and going through the lengthy intro parts. I would need a good, solid three or four hours to really get into the game. But then I have to find time after that to continue playing it. It's ridiculous sometimes how much time school can take even when it's not taking that much. Really it's just that I'd rather interact with people in my free time than play a video game. But, I still want to play video games and have no time to do so. Basically, Grandia... I wants it!

I'll Show You The Ropes Kid

Dear Blog,

So, November is National Novel Writing Month and I'm trying to write a novel in 30 days. It's 50,000 words or bust so wish me luck. I started today and finished the whole prologue. It's pretty exciting right now. I've always wanted to write professionally and stuff. That may be the only other career I could be truly happy at. I'm still thinking about it. But, I'd have to prove to myself that I could do it by finishing this novel. I've never written anything longer than 11 pages before. So, hopefully I can do it. Please, nobody let me quit too easy. Even if I don't get if finished in a month I really want to finish it.

I like LCD Soundsystem. They rock. I've been listening to "Daft Punk Is Playing At My House" really loud and quite a bit. I do silly dances and sometimes I open the windows to share my awesome jamz.

I go back and forth on this whole school thing. I know leaving is the right thing to do and it's what I'm set on doing. But there are some people here that I've gotten semi-close with in quite a short time. So, it will be kind of difficult to leave them. That kind of sucks. It's like I made the wrong decision in coming up here and tried to make the best of it. So, by the time I figured out that I never had to leave I learned how to live up here. Now it's going to be strange to leave. But, I'm not settling anymore. I'm tired of making fucking compromises. I want Bonnie and the Clydesdales to make it and the one place where that's most possible is in the metropolitan St. Louis area. So, that's where the hell I'm going to be. Srsly.

Another thing, I'm so sick of religious bullshit. I get about ten thousand pounds of it every single day here at school and it's destroyed my already shaky faith. I seriously have no idea what I believe because all these crazies and how they fuck everything up all the damn time. I'm so sick of people saying things are "on my heart" or singing or hearing about Jesus. I really need a Jesus break and maybe a prayer break. We pray way too much here. If chapel was abolished here I would have a harder time leaving. But, as it stands, chapel chases me further away from here every single Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.

Yours,
B Morgz